she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
