he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
