So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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