hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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