Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
