the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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