Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
