Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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