So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
