When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
