It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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