I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
