i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
