There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
