He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
