I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
