you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He shit in the fireplace
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
