To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
