You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
