there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
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