I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
