Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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