dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
