how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
