At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
