No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
