Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
