just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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