dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
