i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
