he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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