Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I stole a fireplace last night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
