sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
