Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
