looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
