we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
