We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
