I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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