I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
