***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
