You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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