you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
