Whod you bang
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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