The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
