can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
