i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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