What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
