I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
