I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
