I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
