Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
