If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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