I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
