apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
