I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
